Just the other day, a friend of mine was recounting details of 'sacrifices' made by her parents so that she could reach the station of life that she has. During the conversation, she was close to tears. This made me think as to whether what she was describing to me was actually what she was naively- I thought but did not dare articulate- calling 'sacrifice' or pure love.
Seriously, what does somebody mean when she/he uses this word?
Probably the indication is towards voluntarily abstaining from what otherwise would have been a more attractive path to tread for her/him.
Since we Indians absolutely love definitions, I'm going to take the liberty of exploring a couple of them.
In the Hindu ritualistic sense, a 'sacrifice' can be equated to a yagna, involving offerings to the gods in the form of 'ghee', grains, etc. with a view to appeasing them, with a hope of greater bounties. Animal sacrifices in ancient societies have been linked to absolving of 'guilt' of hunters, who offered to the heavens above a portion of what they were using for their sustenance in the first place. It is in this domain that the word 'sacrifice' really belongs and makes some, even if restricted, sense.
When used wrongly, this word has the potential to show up in a rather poor light what belongs rightly in quite another domain, that of love. When a person, be it a parent, a spouse, or a soldier, puts considerations of others before herself/himself, that is an act of pure, unadulterated love. Let us not malign this beautiful connection between human beings by calling it what it is not- a 'sacrifice'. I'm reasonably sure that my friend's parents might never have had considerarions of deferred gratification in doing what they did for their offspring. There are no considerations of eventual gains in many such acts. In fact there is no future. The present is all. Acting out of love is its own reward and does not require a medal to glorify it. Some of us are fortuante enough to have experienced it; others may not have been that lucky.
While ruminating on this incident, I also became aware that many a time I too use words loosely, without reflecting on what they really convey. In any case, words, by their very nature are inadequate to convey the exact content because life is too large and deep, and words are at best an attempt.
Even so, maybe we should think just a little before randomly using the word in question here, 'sacrifice'.
Seriously, what does somebody mean when she/he uses this word?
Probably the indication is towards voluntarily abstaining from what otherwise would have been a more attractive path to tread for her/him.
Since we Indians absolutely love definitions, I'm going to take the liberty of exploring a couple of them.
The Oxford Dictionary defines the word as "an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy". Now look closely, 'regarded as more important or worthy'...by whom? Evidently by the person making that choice of 'giving up'. So fundamentally there is a consideration of what the 'self' perceives as 'worthy' at a given moment. There are yet other dictionaries that go a step further to add that making a 'sacrifice' entails giving up something that is dear to you in order to help 'someone else'. Noble thought indeed. But a thought is what we experience in our consciousness. This is at the experiential level.
At a more existential level, we need to ask ourselves if it is at all possible to go through this entire act of sacrificing without feeling a certain warmth, or what in common parlance is the 'feel-good factor'. In my belief, the two are inextricably linked. Moreover, the one who makes a 'sacrifice' does so because at that moment that course of action appears more 'worthy' or plain sensible to her/him ( for example, the common Indian scenario of the wife sacrificing her career for the sake of her husband's, or parents sacrificing their comforts for the sake of their children's upbringing, etc, etc.). Probably at a deeper structure, it all boils down to mere questions of 'existence'-the wife knows that at the end of the day, there will be more money in the family kitty; or of 'essence'-the sacrificial parents may either be giving in to societal pressures of a certain tacit code of behaviour, or being guided by contemplations of a handsome future where they would be the neighbours' envy on account of an achiever ward! In this sense, I would go more with one of the alternatives suggested by the Wikipedia: "a short term loss in return for a greater gain"
While ruminating on this incident, I also became aware that many a time I too use words loosely, without reflecting on what they really convey. In any case, words, by their very nature are inadequate to convey the exact content because life is too large and deep, and words are at best an attempt.
Even so, maybe we should think just a little before randomly using the word in question here, 'sacrifice'.
Excellent point Susmita! My biggest problem with the term 'sacrifice' is that it almost always entails feelings of entitlement and self-righteousness. As you have well pointed out most of us fail to see how selfish an act 'selfless sacrifice' actually is. Not to be religious, but this poem by Thom Gunn used to be one of my favourites for illustrating that 'selflessness' in sacrifice is not a Christian (to be read in the larger non-religious sense)value either...
ReplyDeleteSt. Martin and the Beggar
MARTIN sat young upon his bed
A budding cenobite,
Said ‘though I hold the principles
Of Christian life be right,
I cannot grow from them alone,
I must go out to fight.’
He traveled hard, he traveled far,
The light began to fail.
‘Is not this act of mine,’ he said,
‘A cowardly betrayal,
Should I not peg my nature down
With a religious nail?’
Wind scudded on the marshland,
And, dangling at his side,
His sword soon clattered under hail:
What could he do but ride?—
There was not shelter for a dog,
The garrison far ahead.
A ship that moves on darkness
He rode across the plain,
When a brawny beggar started up
Who pulled at his rein
And leant dripping with sweat and water
Upon the horse’s mane.
He glared into Martin’s eyes
With eyes more wild than bold;
His hair sent rivers down his spine;
Like a fowl packed to be sold
His flesh was grey. Martin said—
‘What, naked in this cold?
‘I have no food to give you,
Money would be a joke.’
Pulling his new sword form the sheath
He took his soldier’s cloak
And cut it in two equal parts
With a single stroke.
Grabbing one to his shoulders,
Pinning it with his chin,
The beggar dived into the dark,
And soaking to the skin
Martin went on slowly
Until he reached an inn.
One candle on the wooden table,
The food and drink were poor,
The woman hobbled off, he ate,
Then casually before
The table stood the beggar as
If he had used the door.
Now dry for hair and flesh had been
By warm airs fanned,
Still bare but round each muscled thigh
A single golden band,
His eyes now wild with love, he held
The half cloak in his hand.
‘You recognised the human need
Included yours, because
You did not hesitate, my saint,
To cut your cloak across;
But never since that moment
Did you regret the loss.
‘My enemies would have turned away,
My holy toadies would
Have given all the cloak and frozen
Conscious that they were good.
But you, being a saint of men,
Gave only what you could.’
St Martin stretched his hand out
To offer from his plate,
But the beggar vanished, thinking food
Like cloaks is needles weight.
Pondering on the matter,
St. Martin bent and ate.
-THOM GUNN
Thanks Priya, for the very insightful comments...you touched my heart, but since I cannot access your profile, can't make out which Priya you are...Priya Nair?
ReplyDeleteSusmita, you echo my thoughts there. It also seems to me that 'sacrifice' is upheld as a virtue particularly among Indian (or is it predominantly Hindu) women, and continues to be perpetrated from one generation to next...in the name of family peace, welfare of children, status, so on and so forth...but hidden in the guise of these so called moral values is a deeper sense of self aggarandizement which drives the individual, a rational being who is constantly weighing pros and cons of his/her options while making choices, even though s/he may not be conscious of doing so.
ReplyDeleteI dont think it is predominantly Hindu.
ReplyDeleteThe point is the rational being in us is nothing to be ashamed of. When we begin to acknowledge this, thereafter begins a more authentic existence.